


One Step at a Time

by Jazz_2_chess



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Werewolf Derek Hale, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Pack Feels, Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Self Confidence Issues, The Hale Fire, Touch-Starved Derek Hale, implied abuse (not Stiles)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 14:18:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16834297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazz_2_chess/pseuds/Jazz_2_chess
Summary: When Stiles discovers Derek's aversion to touch and the deeply rooted fear it is caused by, he takes it upon himself to help his residential Alpha. Unfortunately, things don't go over so smoothly...





	One Step at a Time

The moment he touched Derek’s shoulder he knew something was wrong. The wolf flinched, his shoulders drew up and he looked ready to bolt any second. Stiles took a step back immediately, hands coming up in a defensive gesture.

“I uh… sorry I didn’t mean to…“ he trailed off and tried to give Derek some space. With carefully controlled movements and without any haste Stiles sat down on the couch. He grabbed a random book from the coffee table and opened it somewhere in the middle to give Derek at least the illusion of some privacy. Derek though just stood in the doorway to the kitchen as if caught there. After a few tense seconds he shook his whole body once as if brushing something off. Then he too sat down on the couch although a few feet away from Stiles.

From that day on Stiles made it his mission to test out a theory that had formed inside his head. Not that Derek was in any way an experiment but Stiles had that nagging need to know why he had reacted the way he had. It started out fairly simple with Derek on the couch and Stiles right next to him. They were watching Wolverine since Stiles had insisted it was a must, given the claws and all. About half an hour into the movie Stiles decided to let his plan come into play. Slowly but surely, he scooted closer to Derek, inch by inch, careful not to disturb the wolf or draw attention to himself. He should have known better than to try and get a head-start on Derek. The second their shoulders touched Derek was out of his seat and hurrying to the kitchen.

“Stiles!” he yelled “You want some popcorn?”

Stiles groaned inwardly but yelled back “Sure gimme!” and made grabby-hands as soon as Derek stepped back into the living room. After beaming over his extra-large bowl filled with popcorn his enthusiastic mood dropped considerably when Derek chose to sit on the chair instead of the couch.

Well- consider the plan failed. Time to start phase two. Which mainly focused on Stiles watching Derek interact with the other pack members and therefore noticing him dodging Erica’s hugs and Isaac’s friendly shoves. He even somehow managed to distract Scott from a fist bump.

Huh at least it wasn’t him specifically. Now the only question was why Derek shied away from physical contact.

Asking the wolf was not an option since Stiles was very much attached to his throat. Leaving him no other choice Stiles decided on what he was best at: research. That’s how he found himself in his dad’s office, head buried in files.

“You do know that these are confidential?” Stiles shot up and somehow managed to knock the cup of tea on the desk over, spilling it over the paperwork and making his dad groan.

“Well, you see Dad that’s… I needed it for… uh you know a-a school project and…” one look from the Sheriff made him shut up immediately.

“Why don’t you help me clean that up and then tell me what you’re looking for?” Stiles just gave a non-committal shrug and grabbed a napkin. He wasn’t sure how much information he should share. The Sheriff looked expectantly at his fidgeting son.

“Okay… Dad you know uh about…” he could feel his cheeks burning.

“Why don’t you quit beating around the bush and just spit it out?” he seemed somehow amused while Stiles felt as if he was a stalker and prying into his Alphas’ past.

“The Hale-fire. I need to know what happened. To uh… them, yes.” One pointed eyebrow from his dad and he knew he wasn’t convinced.

“You know what happened to them Stiles. What is this really about?” there was concern in his voice

“Nothing! It’s for educational purpose only, you know about the Argents and their methods…” this didn’t feel good. Not at all. But he had to know.

“Why don’t you ask Derek then?”

And while the Sheriff might think that to be his ultimate trump Stiles knew how to play his cards. “Yeah that’s gonna be a nice conversation: Hey Derek wanna tell me how your house burned down with your family in it?”

The Sheriff sighed in resignation and handed the files over even though he knew that there was something his son wasn’t telling him. Meanwhile Stiles flipped through the pages, skipping things he already was aware of and focussing on the information that was related directly to Derek.

Two hours in his dad’s office saw him still reading but not really making any progress. He was nearly ready to call it quits when he stumbled upon a name: Kate Argent. Until now he had only known it was Allison’s Aunt and part of the Argent legacy. The file though mentioned her particularly in context with Derek. And that context made Stiles’ stomach turn. If he understood correctly, there had been some kind of relation between them and, combined with his observations of Derek’s behaviour he could take a wild guess as to what that had consisted of. The rage that hit him was so strong he nearly threw the file against the nearest wall.

He was near boiling. That bitch. That absolute bitch. And right there, Stiles knew he needed to talk to Derek about this.

First of he wasn’t fine with keeping from Derek that he had snooped around and second of, this couldn’t be it. Derek should be able to find as much comfort in his pack as they found in him as their Alpha. So, he prepared a speech, googled some do’s and don’ts and called Derek over to his house. He considered going to the loft but figured that at his house Derek had the freedom of leaving any time he wanted to.

* * *

Stiles was a nervous wreck even before Derek opened the window. What was it always with wolves and window climbing?

"Stiles.” Somehow, he managed to make his name sound like an entire sentence. “You wanted to talk to me?” he seemed curious as if the idea of Stiles wanting to talk was somehow absurd even though talking was what Stiles did best.

“Well yes. Please take a seat” he answered and gestured to the bed while slapping himself mentally. The bed of all things Jesus why didn’t he just stripped down naked in front of the guy. So much research on how to behave in such situations and he suggested the bed of all places for Derek to sit, speak of innuendo.

“Stiles?” his mental rambling came to a halt.

“What? Oh yeah, yes- I wanted to talk. To you. Obviously.” He grabbed the hem of his shirt just to have something to hold onto then sat down on the chair in front of Derek, meaning to not pose a threat of any kind, making them the same height level. “Listen I know this uh isn’t any of my business but I couldn’t help but notice that you… uh” involuntarily he scratched his head.

“Yes?” Derek pressed it out between his teeth. He sounded one second away from losing his patience.

When the words “ _Inoticedthatyoudon’tliketobetouched_ ” rushed out of his mouth he had to admit even he couldn’t decipher what he had said.

“Care to repeat?” Derek huffed and all of a sudden Stiles had the quite accurate image in his head of the big bad wolf huffing and puffing and blowing down the house. He bit his lip to stop the smile that threatened to slip. Stop it. He scolded himself. This is serious.

“Okay listen: I noticed whenever someone reaches out to you physically you uh kind of step back.” Well that wasn’t too bad now was it? No need to rip his throat out was there? If he read Derek’s face right then yes- apparently there was. Because Derek was on his feet the second the words left his mouth.

“Stiles!” yep this was definitely a growl.

“I know- I know! I’m sorry okay but I couldn’t help myself you were… I don’t know you just seemed so…” This wasn’t going well. Abort mission. Abort!

“Was there anything else!” Derek snapped at him, obviously near boiling. Stiles knew immediately it wasn’t a question so he didn’t bother answering. Derek stared at him as if he contemplated if killing him now was an option but ultimately just jumped out of the window. Stiles felt like he messed up big time. This could hardly have gone any worse.

* * *

And Stiles was ready to let bygones be bygones if it weren’t for the fact that the next time he came over to Derek’s loft Isaac was sitting on the sofa bawling his eyes out with Derek hovering over him.

“Sorry…” he bumped into something “Shit, sorry…” and fumbled with his jacket “Sorry I can come back another time if-if that’s not the right…” but Derek just stalked over to him, grabbed his arm and nearly ripped it out in the progress of pulling him to Isaac.

“Do something.” He demanded, shoving Stiles down beside the still upset curly-wolf.

When Stiles didn’t do anything and just kept looking at Derek without so much of an idea as to what was going on Derek mumbled something Stiles made out to be a very soft “Please.”

Before he could even sort out that Derek had just indeed used the word ‘please’, Isaac sobbed quietly and drew Stiles’ attention to him. Turned out someone at the coffee shop Isaac worked at had made him fall flat on his face with a tray full of drinks in his arms and had called him useless when he had failed to catch them.

After Stiles had managed to calm Isaac down the wolf got up to go to sleep. Stiles hugged him again and Isaac whispered a small “Thank you” against his neck.

The second he heard the door to Isaac’s room close- Derek had long ago made sure Isaac had a home he could come to every day- Stiles stood up from the couch and packed his stuff.

“Stay for a moment.” He hadn’t even seen Derek standing in the hallway.

“I…” he paused, ”thank you.” Stiles had to admit that Derek looked freaking adorable with red cheeks and his nervous head scratching.

“Not a problem Alpha mine.” He smiled at Derek and turned to go when a hand on his arm stopped him. “I… what you said last week… I…” somehow Stiles didn’t find Derek stuttering as cute as he thought it would be. It just didn’t feel right that Derek, Alpha- badass Derek couldn’t get one sentence out. That stutter was the reason why he would have abandoned every and all ambition to get behind the matter.

“No Derek, you were right, it’s none of my business and you don’t have to talk to me about it. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

But Derek didn’t seem to want to drop it. “Stiles I… I think we _have_ to talk about it. I didn’t know how to handle Isaac today. And if you hadn’t been there I don’t know what would have happened. God knows the kid would’ve run away or something.”

Stiles was shocked at the admissionbut tried not to let it show, not now that Derek had confided in him.

“You would have figured something out.” He answered confidently and caught a smile ghosting over Derek’s face when he heard no skip in Stiles’ heartbeat.

“Well… I’m glad you have more faith in me than I do.” His lips were a thin line, “but I need to work on that because I am supposed to comfort my pack and sometimes- like with Isaac- this needs to happen in a physical way.” He looked as if the idea alone scared him.

“I get what you’re saying Derek, I do but I don’t think you can just change the way you feel about touch overnight.” After a nod from Derek something occurred to him “But it’s not every kind of touch is it?”

Derek seemed confused. “What do you mean?”

But Stiles was already in overdrive. “Well you’re fine with teaching them how to fight and you’re pretty hands-on with it too.” Now there was definite hope on Derek’s face like it always was whenever Stiles managed to figure something out. “Maybe it’s just… maybe it’s… _Yes_ … it’s affectionate touch isn’t it?” both of them were equal parts thrilled and scared by the possibility.

“So that’s what we’ll need to work on.” Stiles exclaimed excitedly. Then his brain caught up with his mouth and he backtracked frantically. “I-I didn’t mean we as in me and you… you can on your own or with… uh with someone else- I-I didn’t…”

This time Derek actually smiled at him, showing his bunny teeth and Stiles immediately fell silent. “You and me is fine Stiles.” he said, then he became serious again. “How do you suppose we do this? I don’t feel comfortable sharing this information with the whole pack yet.” Ok straight to the point then.

“I uh did some…” “Research” they said at the same time and promptly smiled at each other.

“It mentioned having to grow accustomed to touch again. You know like building up tolerance.” Derek nodded but didn’t seem happy with the answer. Which was all too understandable.

“So what? You’ll just touch me all over and I tell you when to stop?” he asked and Stiles saw that infamous eyebrow draw up.

“No! God no! That wouldn’t do anything besides making it worse. Maybe we can start with you touching me? See if you’re comfortable with that and then switch?” that sounded more of an invitation than Stiles intended it to.

Derek just made a noncommittal “Hm” sound.

“Start with the hands maybe? And then arms?” Stiles stripped out of his hoodie and put his arms out in front of him with a silly little wiggle, determined to lighten the mood. Derek rolled his eyes but moved closer as well. Then, tentatively, his fingers touched Stiles’ hands.

Huh that felt kinda good.

After a moment of just touching, Derek moved his fingers upwards a bit. Stiles asked “Still good?” maybe a few times too many but he didn’t want to fuck this up. Derek just nodded and kept going, seemingly a-okay with touching Stiles, who had a hard time keeping his breathing regular and his heartbeat steady. He wanted Derek to feel comfortable.

It took a minute or two but eventually Derek stopped the touching altogether and stepped back, tossing his leather jacket- which he insisted on wearing even inside for whatever reason- Stiles suspected it was to maintain the badass image- on the couch.

“You uh how do you…?” he looked lost. And it made Stiles’ heart clench because an Alpha wolf of Derek’s calibre should never have to feel lost of all things, especially not over someone touching him.

“Should I just- you know- do it?” he reached out slowly but Derek stepped back.

“No! I- maybe you can- uh talk to me while you do it. Tell me where and how? That- that could help…” Something in his voice betrayed the steady stance he portrayed.

When Stiles reached out he assured him “Derek I’m just doing whatever you’re good with. I don’t want you pushing through or something just because you think you should, got it?” Stiles knew Derek well enough to see that he didn’t believe him, but that he really really wanted to, so he just kept talking: “I’m going to start with your hands just like you did before, see?”

Derek didn’t flinch this time but Stiles noticed his breathing had changed to slightly elevated. After announcing he would move up to his arms Derek stiffened further. Stiles considered stopping but Derek just asked him to remain there for a second. A moment’s hesitation and Derek nodded his consent. As his fingers were trailing to Derek’s shoulders Stiles had a minor freak out and became aware of exactly how much out of his element he was.

The tension in Derek’s shoulders seemed to manifest more and more until suddenly he gasped for air and stepped away from Stiles “I uh sorry that was… I think…” somehow Derek looked guilty.

And Stiles was not having it. “No Derek, I told you before it’s about how far you want to go. I don’t care if it takes you a week or ‘til next year. We’re doing this at your speed! Yes?”

Derek seemed slightly taken aback by the firmness in Stiles’ voice but didn’t comment on it, instead he asked softly “Stiles… why are you doing this?”

Huh- that was a good question. Why _was_ he doing it? “Because I want to help.” He answered simply.

Because, when it came down to it that’s what he wanted to do. Help.

Derek just nodded. “So… what do we do now?” the blush that followed the question was just on the right side of adorable.

“Well big boy how ‘bout we watch that movie I saw you buy yesterday? I know you’re secretly dying to watch it…” and just like that, the tension in the room was gone.

* * *

What followed were a few memorable evenings for Stiles and exhausting ones for Derek. They made it to Derek’s shoulders twice more before he had to stop again, the fourth time finally being the one where Stiles could let his hands rest there without Derek stiffening up. Then they moved to Derek’s back since even thinking about someone touching his belly made about three different alarm-sounds go off in his head. The back had been surprisingly easy.

Well that was until Stiles whose coordination was rusty on his best of days fell over in a mess of limbs and scrambled for purpose on Derek’s lower back. Like lower _lower_ back. A pause filled with awkwardtension followed and Derek seemed to curl further into himself than he had in weeks.

“Uh sorry I… that was… I didn’t…” Stiles felt awful. He had promised Derek to go at his speed and a second later he was grabbing his butt. Fucking fuck. Derek must feel so violated right now. And it was all Stiles’ fault. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Fuck’s sake what was he supposed to do now?

But Derek stopped his inner rambling “Stiles calm down. It’s fine. You fell. What were you supposed to do? Flop on your face?” When Stiles just nodded Derek smiled at him. Actually smiled at him. And Stiles brain went right into overdrive again. Because Derek Hale and smiling? Should be illegal. Yes. Or just you know… done only in Stiles’ presence. Yeah.

“Maybe I- uh- could come over tomorrow?” Stiles’ mind came to a screeching halt. One of these days he was going to get whiplash due to these sudden mood swings.

“Come over? To my house?” Oh crap. There would be one and only one room available for this kind of activity and Stiles preferred not to think about Derek plus beds. Especially if it was his bed.

“Or not…” Derek quickly backtracked onto more familiar territory. Something in the way Stiles had reacted must have put him off.

“No wait… I was just surprised… yes. That you- you’d want that…”

Derek didn’t seem convinced but agreed anyway “I’ll be there at eight? Your dad having a nightshift?” Somehow the question didn’t sound as innocent as it should.

“Yes. He’s busy with that you know that thing?” Derek didn’t answer instead he ruffled his hair and stood in his living room looking for all the world as if he didn’t belong there.

“Okaaaay. I uh see you tomorrow then?” Stiles mumbled over his shoulder and nearly ran for the door.

* * *

Tomorrow came way earlier than Stiles would have liked. Even Scott picked up on his mood. So much so that at lunch he slammed his plate down and said in an exhausted breath:

“Stiles _please,_ either you tell me what’s going on or you quit the fidgeting. Seriously man!” Stiles barely managed to stop himself from standing up and leaving.

“Nothing’s going on Scotty. Everything’s just peachy.”

Scott not only did not look even remotely convinced, he also had the audacity to roll his eyes and say in a low voice: “Werewolf, man. Don’t even try. I know when you’re lying. And besides, for being the Sheriff’s son and all? You’re a terrible liar.”

Busted.

“Well maybe you just need to check your wolf radar since there’s obviously something wrong with it.”

When Scott just silently raised an eyebrow- and you can say what you want he definitely got that from Derek- he gave up: “Okay, okay! It was worth a shot.” Gathering his courage, he stared down at his food.

“Derek’s coming over tonight.” Scott’s face was a mixture between incredulityand amusement.

“So what? You two doing research again?” And while that would have been a perfectly innocent statement Scott ruined it with the air quotes around the word ‘research’ insinuating one thing or another which Stiles didn’t want to think about too closely. Any other time Stiles would have been quick to scoff and tell him to wake up, but this time he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“Not what you’re thinking. It _is_ some kind of research but not…”

Scott made a face and stopped him with a raised hand “Ugh dude no. I don’t wanna hear about what you and our Alpha are doing in your bedroom. That’s an image I really don’t need…”

Stiles had never seen Scott look that disgusted since kindergarten when Jackson had dared him to eat a worm. Back to the conversation at hand. The knowledge that Derek would never be interested in anything remotely close to the image that was undoubtedly still playing in Scott’s mind cut deep.

And it made him say stupid things like: “Yeah as if…” and of course Scott would pick up on the defeated tone Stiles had said it in.

“S’there something you wanna tell me buddy?” Stiles contemplated how much he was ready to share but decided it was obvious anyhow and went all in.

“Just- listen. I know it’s stupid and all but he… I-I really like him okay? And I know he doesn’t-doesn’t want me like that but I uh just…” he looked at his best friend with a helpless expression.

“So you’re serious about this? Huh.” Stiles prepared himself for the inevitable disapproval when Scott opened his mouth again and launched into one of the longest tirades Stiles had ever heard come out of his best friends’ mouth.

“Well maybe you should tell him. I mean… I- not that I know him that much- but come on! The cuddling at pack meetings? The growling and flashing his Alpha eyes? That’s totally a sign man. He doesn’t do that to any of us. Well, except you of course. And you know how last month that thing with the rogue Omega went down? When you didn’t stay home- which I’m still mad about by the way- seriously man you could’ve gotten really hurt- anyway… where was I? Yes. When he pulled you back and you were unconscious he was _livid_. He ripped that wolf to shreds. Like completely. And he carried you to the Camaro. With his hands. I even think Jackson has some photos on his phone where he’s carrying you bridal stile. He was totally out of it. I mean come on man- you know how he gets with his car.”

And in an impressive imitation of Derek’s growl, Scott said: “No blood on the seats. I don’t care if you’re dying you’re putting a towel under. And suddenly when it’s you? He’s fine with it. Like no big deal. And buddy let me tell you. You were bleeding like a freaking pig.” Scott looked at him expectedly and slightly out of breath.

“So, what do you want me to do? Jump him when he gets there? Or hey! Maybe I should tell him: Derek buddy, listen, I have this stupid teenage crush on you and you know my Dad’s the Sheriff and all, but that won’t matter, he won’t even shoot you, so why don’t we just get a move on? Because you’re obviously head over heels- pot over kettle- for me. Very likely!”

He didn’t want to believe Scott, didn’t want to even hope. Because if it wasn’t true, if he somehow got it wrong, then it would hurt like hell. He would ruin what they had right now. And Derek would never trust him again.

“No but maybe- I don’t know okay? Just- just talk to him? Like about stuff?” Easy for Scott to say. He wasn’t the one with a crush on an emotional constipated Alpha with relationship issues. Before Stiles could say anything else on the matter he was saved by the bell.

* * *

Eight o’ clock came and went and Stiles was one mental freak out away from driving to the loft to make sure Derek was okay. And kick his ass if he was. Shoes on and key in hand he stumbled down the stairs and reached for the door handle when suddenly the door moved on its own.

“Uh Stiles? Are you going somewhere?” Derek stepped inside looking as if he had not a care in the world while Stiles tried and failed not to stumble over his own feet.

When he stood solid again rage kicked in: “Where were you? Derek! It’s half past freaking nine and you were supposed to be here at eight. Eight! I almost drove to the loft! Are you kidding me? You’re never late! Unless you’re half dead in a pitch somewhere! Stop grinning like an idiot! I’m fucking mad at you right now!” He yelled but couldn’t help himself. Derek’s smile was somehow contagious.

“Nice to know you worry.” Derek had the nerve to make fun of him. That absolute bastard.

“Are you freaking serious? Of course, I worry! Jesus Derek, don’t do that! Or at least call, for gods’ sake.” He fell on the couch, instantly exhausted when all the anxiety from before faded away.

“I didn’t look at the time. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. Okay?” he still didn’t look sorry but Stiles would take an apology from his residential Alpha any day.

“You wanna start now?” Stiles tried to keep the slight anger out of his voice, but judging by Derek’s raised eyebrow- and when did he get so good at reading them- he didn’t succeed.

Derek though, chose not to comment and was already half way up the stairs when he turned around smirking slightly: “You coming?” And wow. Talk about innuendo.

Stiles rolled his eyes but jumped up and followed the wolf into his bedroom. Even though his dad wasn’t supposed to come home any time soon, he was not going to take any chances on him walking in on a half-naked Alpha wolf, which pretty much left Stiles’ room as only option. Derek stripped out of his shirt as if it was no big deal and threw it somewhere on the floor then sat down on the bed and looked at Stiles with something he couldn’t quite place.

Meanwhile, Stiles’ brain completely shut down at the sight of Derek’s naked upper half. No matter how often he had seen Derek strip off his shirt he was still baffled by the sheer muscle that met his eye.

“You alright there?” Derek didn’t even try to hide his amusement. He seemed in a frighteningly chipper mood today. Stiles gathered his senses and gave himself a stern talking-to. This was not the time nor the place to have inappropriate thoughts about Derek. Whatever Scott might have seen, he was not about to bring it up now. Stiles strode over to the bed, sat down on Derek’s left and raised his hand in front of them. That’s how they had always started out, like a little ritual.

“Can you start with the back today?” for all his cockiness before, Derek sure sounded small now. And once again Stiles was baffled by how much he didn’t like it. At all. He hated how Derek didn’t feel comfortable to ask for a simple touch on his back. Well, he was here to make this right.

“Yes. If you’re sure?” that’s another thing they did every time. Derek would say something and Stiles would always ask if he was sure before doing it.

“Yes.”

Stiles breathed in and slowly rested his hand on Derek’s shoulder. When Derek seemed comfortable, he moved it to the triskelion.

And then two things happened simultaneously. Stiles’ hand covered the tattoo and Derek shivered and moved into the touch as opposed to away from it, like he had done all the other times Siles had come close to touching that particular spot. Stiles hand stilled completely, not used to Derek’s reaction. Derek on the other hand made a sound very close to a purr and actually started moving on his own. It lasted approximately three seconds.

Then he went frozen- not even a hair on his body moved. His voice was ragged when he grumbled: “I-I… that was…”

Stiles could only nod. Watching Derek so obviously enjoy his touch did things to him he shouldn’t even think about. Derek didn’t seem to be aware of what his reaction had caused and just leaned back against Stiles’ hand again.

“You can uh continue if you want…” this time Stiles didn’t ask if he was sure. Instead he moved further down until he reached Derek’s spine. The wolf trembled slightly but didn’t move away.

“Stiles? Stiles!” he snapped to attention.

“Yes? What’s wrong? Did I…?” But Derek shook his head and Stiles noticed the tips of his ears turn red.

“I was just… There was something I’d like to…” he fumbled with the pillow on his right in that one manner Stiles knew something was up.

When it became clear that Derek didn’t have any intention on elaborating further, Stiles put it upon himself to get to the bottom of this. As per usual.

“Derek. You have to talk to me. If I did something wrong…” but Derek cut him off with another shake of his head.

“Okay not wrong then maybe… Is it something you need? Something you _want_?” He hoped he had read it right. It was always such an act of balance to lure the wolf out of his shell and simultaneously not make him bolt.

“Something you want me to do?” he guessed. Bingo. Derek’s eyes were wide and he looked caught. Which- just no.

“Derek you can ask me for anything. We’ve talked about this. I’m not going to laugh at you, whatever it is…” he stopped touching Derek all together to give him some space.

“Front?” It was so quiet that Stiles almost didn’t hear it. Front? What did that even…? Oh! Oh no. Hell to the no. Stiles was sure this was a bad idea. Surely, it was too soon. Surely, he didn’t want to…?

But Derek made it crystal clear with his next action that it was exactly what he wanted. He grabbed Stiles’ still hovering hand and put it lightly on his collar bone.

“Just… slow?” he rasped, his voice somewhere between a growl and a whimper. Which was an impressive combination Stiles would have commented on if it were any other situation. As it were, Derek leaned back until his back hit the bed and suddenly Stiles found himself above a very attractive Sourwolf, clad in only his jeans, eager for his touch. “Derek.” When no answer came Stiles took his hand away.

“Derek are you sure?” He needed his consent. His verbal consent. A nod wouldn’t cut it this time. And he wouldn’t move another inch if Derek did not-

“Yes.”

Well that was as clear is it could get. Stiles nerves were getting the best of him. He wanted to help Derek so badly, wanted him to feel good and comfortable and cared for. Wanted to erase every bad memory that forced Derek in this position. But he couldn’t. The only thing he could do was to do what Derek asked. And so, he slowly, oh so slowly moved his hands back to Derek’s collar bones.

“You have to tell me when to stop. I mean it Derek. I’m trusting you on this.” The wolf just stared at him with wide eyes and a look containing so much trust it nearly made Stiles fall right over. But he remained steady. He needed to. For Derek.

His fingers traced Derek’s chest and then he reached what Stiles would call a dangerous area. Derek’s stomach. And for all of Derek’s bravado the moment Stiles’ fingers brushed his upper muscles everything in his body locked down tight. He sucked in a breath and lay completely still. Stiles had half a mind to stop but Derek didn’t say anything.

“Do you think it would help if I talked you through it?” Derek nodded, still silent and wide eyed, staring at Stiles as if to make sure it was still him, that he was not in danger and that nothing bad could happen.

“Okay. Uh you know I nearly managed break my neck today because Dad called when I was up to my elbows in pancake batter- you know the one with the chocolate chips and- anyway when I went to grab the phone a splash got on the floor and I slipped. Like completely- I’m talking feet in the air and ass on the floor! Dad laughed so hard he had to call back.”

Something happened on Derek’s face then that was close enough to a smile that Stiles was encouraged to keep going. He proceeded to tell Derek about his day all the while moving his hand inch per inch down the wolf’s belly. Derek didn’t quite relax but he started breathing regularly again and when Stiles brushed the hem of his jeans he was sure he heard a low chuckle.

“So you’re saying you got detention because you called your teacher an idiot? Again?” Derek was laughing now, the hand on his stomach almost forgotten. Stiles had never felt better. They had accomplished one hell of a step tonight.

* * *

The process was going much faster than Stiles would ever have hoped for. Soon Derek was fine with being touched all over his upper body, his stomach still being a sensible zone but they were working on it. And when Isaac had another rough day Derek surprised him with a hug that was maybe a few seconds too short but managed to stun Isaac so much, he completely forgot what he was upset about.

Stiles couldn’t have been happier.

That was, until one day when he came to a pack meeting, late as always- but since his and Derek’s uh experiments?- Derek usually just grumbled but didn’t say a word- and saw all of the pack staring at him.

Scott looked particularly wide eyed. Huh? He wasn’t that late, was he?

“Stiles! Glad you finally found it in you to join us.” Derek’s voice was off somehow, as if he was really mad but trying not to show it.

“Yeah sorry something at school…” he looked around. “What’s the matter here? What did I miss?” something was definitely going on. He just couldn’t figure out what it was. An uneasy feeling grew in his stomach.

Then Derek gestured for him to sit down and said: “Like I just said…” he stopped to stare at Stiles accusingly. Jeez, what was his deal today? “I wanted to inform you that I am in a relationship.”

His stomach dropped. Stiles heard a strange noise but needed a moment to realise he was the one making it. Derek was in a relationship? How? When did that happen? He had thought that maybe… Scott’s elbow connected hard with his ribcage and made him cough.

“Uh congratulations, I guess?” he forced a smile on his face. On his other side Isaac snuggled a bit closer, obviously sensing the discomfort.

“Thank you.” His voice dripped with sarcasm. “I would like to introduce her to all of you at the next pack meeting.”

But Stiles didn’t listen anymore. He solely concentrated on breathing. In- Out- In- Out. Derek was still talking but it didn’t register. Somewhere in his mind he was so angry. At Derek. At himself. For falling for the stupid wolf in the first place. For thinking he had a chance. For helping Derek get comfortable with touching, just for him to seek that intimacy elsewhere. He immediately felt bad after thinking it. Derek deserved something good. And he should be glad he helped. Even if it wasn’t the outcome he had wished for. Desperately.

Time to move on then. A sound to his right made him pause.

“Stiles?” Oh someone was saying his name. “Stiles are you alright? Your heartbeat is going off like crazy.” Erica, attentive as always.

“Yeah sorry, I was gone there for a minute. What were you saying?” Derek rolled his eyes at him but this time it held nothing of its usual warmth.

“She was asking what you want for dinner! Can you not concentrate that ADHD brain of yours for five minutes?” The tone in which he said it was harsh and annoyed. Stiles wondered briefly if it was his mood today or if he had done something wrong again.

“Uh- I don’t think I’m staying today. I’ve got a ton of things to do…” it wasn’t a lie. He had indeed things to do. Cry for example. In his room. About stupid Alpha wolves.

“Kay. Scott?” Stiles vaguely heard Scott answer.

His heart was still beating a mile per minute and a pain in his lower chest made him press his hands against the spot. He stood up and went for the door, remembering in the last moment to say goodbye. When he drove home his sight became blurry and he had to stop a few miles down the road to get himself together. He barely made it home without crashing and ran up the stairs before his dad could get out so much as a ‘hello’.

His whole body hurt. His lungs screamed for air that wouldn’t come and the tears were flowing so fast he couldn’t wipe them away. He pressed a hand against his mouth to stop the sounds. He didn’t want his dad to come in. His arms were shaking and he had difficulties to stay upright so he sunk down, back against the wall and sobbed quietly. It hurt. It hurt so damn much. Because this time he had really thought they were on their way to something. For a moment he had really thought that maybe- just maybe- Derek felt the same way.

But he didn’t. He was in a relationship. With someone who was not Stiles. And he was happy. And that was a good thing. It was. But in that moment, it didn’t matter. Because it hurt. So badly. And in his mind Stiles thought over and over again about what he had done wrong. What had he done? He had thought they were good, that they had at least moved to some kind of friendship. Even Scott had seen it.

And now? Now Derek was happy with someone else touching him. And Stiles couldn’t help thinking that it was supposed to be him. Even when it wasn’t. And that hit him deep. That it wasn’t him. That it never would be him…

* * *

Nearly everyone in the pack had sensed something was wrong the second Stiles had stepped inside the loft. But apart from Scott no one was able to figure out what the problem was about. Derek on the other hand, didn’t seem concerned at all. Whenever Stiles’ name was mentioned at dinner he just scoffed and changed the topic.

It all came to a head when Isaac asked Scott for the tenth time in a row if he knew more than he led on. Derek slammed his plate down, making Isaac flinch back and silenced them at once.

“I don’t care. Whatever it is that Stiles has going on in that hyperactive brain of his- I don’t care! And if he can’t be happy for me then maybe he just shouldn’t be here- it’s not like he’s pack!”

Scott didn’t say a word. He just stood up and left.

Because whatever was going on? Stiles didn’t deserve that. Maybe Derek should get his head out of his ass and talk to Stiles about whatever was wrong. Not throw accusations around that didn’t make any sense. Scott couldn’t believe that Derek didn’t see the way Stiles looked at him. It was nearly impossible to miss.

And to ask him to be happy about something that was so obviously hurting him was frankly ridiculous. And he was not going to sit there and let his best friend be berated. Not even- or especially not- by his Alpha- his Alpha who was supposed to take care of them, to make sure every one of his pack members was alright. And to say Stiles wasn’t pack after all he had done for them- for Derek specifically was frankly ridiculous and he would not stand for that.

His hands on the steering wheel elongated to claws while fought to keep a grip on his wolf. Without looking back he put the key in the engine and drove off to Stiles’ house. But Stiles didn’t open the door. Scott tried calling him but he didn’t pick up his phone either. Since he saw the Jeep parked in front of the house he figured Stiles didn’t want to talk at the moment.

He would try again tomorrow.

* * *

The next morning Stiles woke up to swollen eyes and a sore throat. He hadn’t been able to sleep for a very long time and was deadly tired. Nonetheless he stood up and got to school. He couldn’t even make it out of the parking lot before being sprung at by Scott.

Well, time to pull out the fake smile then.

“Heeey Scotty, how was the rest of the meeting yesterday? Missed me?” he didn’t quite manage to keep the hurt out of his voice. Scott just shook his head and cut right to the core.

“Wouldn’t know. Walked right out at dinner.” Stiles stopped walking and just stared. Scott had never, _never_ walked out on Derek- or anyone for that matter.

“Come on, it’s not a big deal.” Scott said with a shrug. When Stiles just kept staring incredulouslyhe added. “Derek deserved it man.”

To say Stiles was confused was an understatement. “Why? Did he do something else while I was gone?” he couldn’t help feeling Scott was beating around something.

“Yeah. Kind of. Isaac- you know how he gets- he asked if I knew why you were upset and…”

“Did you tell them?” Stiles interrupted. Scott just rolled his eyes “Will you let me finish? No, I didn’t tell them, I just said that it was personal and then Derek flipped. He like slammed the plate on the table and yelled at me to stop talking about you because…” Scott cut himself off. Suddenly he looked sheepish as if he had said too much.

“Because?” Stiles prompted. He was sure there was more to it. Derek yelling wouldn’t have led to Scott walking out. And as it turned out he was right yet again.

“He said he didn’t care whether you had a problem or not, just that you should be happy for him and that if you weren’t you shouldn’t come over.” Scott rushed to say. Stiles was stunned into silence. And he couldn’t even fault Derek for wanting the pack to accept this new girlfriend of his. It wasn’t his fault that Stiles had fallen for him.

“Stiles, buddy- I know that it’s not ideal but maybe…” he clasped a hand on Stiles’ shoulder in a soothing gesture.

“No. Yeah- of-of course I get it. It’s just you know…. I need a bit… to uh to get over it.” Yes, that’s what needed to happen. He needed to get over it and be the friend Derek deserved. The one he had worked on being this entire time.

“You know all of us are here for you. And- hey don’t look at me like that- you don’t have to tell them what’s going on but they can help get your mind off of things. Like pack’s supposed to do.” With that Scott let go of him and wandered off in the direction of the chem-lab. 

“See ya’ at lunch. And stop moping. It’s not a good look on you.” He yelled over his shoulders. And for some reason that made Stiles smile.

It took him a while but after running into Isaac with a look of utter defeat on his face and having Jackson give him his untouched fries at lunch, he knew something was up. Stiles cornered Scott after the break and demanded answers.

“What is it you’re not telling me?” he didn’t get it. Scott fidgeted with the zipper of his jacket and refused to look at Stiles.

“Scotty. Come on! I can handle it. Tell me what’s going on! Why’s everyone so damn nice to me?” Scott just shrugged, continuing to stare at the floor. The longer they stood the more the aggravating feeling intensified.

“Scott!” he snapped.

“He said you’re not pack…” Scott mumbled so quietly Stiles shouldn’t have heard it.

But he had. And his world came crashing down- all at once. Because without pack- without his friends… he was all alone.

“Stiles. Stiles, I’m so sorry…” Scott touched his shoulder but Stiles flinched as if it burned him.

“No, I- uh I need to…” he trailed off. He wanted to run, to go home but his feet wouldn’t move.

Suddenly there were arms around him, nearly crushing. Scott’s voice whispered in his ear: “He didn’t mean it, I swear he was just disappointed… I’m sure he didn’t-” but Stiles just laughed, a humourless sound echoing coldly from the walls.

“You’re a werewolf and you tell me you wouldn’t have heard that?” he didn’t recognise his own voice, the hurt so clearly vibrating in every fibre of his being.

“Maybe he…” Stiles shook his head and chuckled lowly.

“No. He meant it.” it hit him then, that everything that had happened had been an imagination of his own brain, cruelly made up of his wishes and projected onto the Alpha.

They hadn’t been friends, not even acquaintances, nothing more than two people living in the same area with a circle of mutual friends. And he shouldn’t even be surprised now, should he? Because Derek was Derek and he was Stiles and Stiles didn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as him. He was just human after all- useless and not good enough for Derek Hale.

He didn’t feel the tears pooling in his eyes and when they dropped onto his shirt, Scott’s embraced became just that bit tighter. His best friends voice in his ear, promises of late night talks and videogames in his head he drove home two hours too early. He didn’t make it to bed that night instead choosing to sit on the floor with his window locked and his curtains drawn. He felt hollow and when morning came the reality of not being wanted hit him hard once again.

* * *

He made it to school eventually, prepared to avoid each and every member of his former pack when he was met with a group of fidgety werewolves in front of his jeep declaring their support and will to stand beside him regardless of their Alpha’s choice. With every word another spark ignited in Stiles’ heart, warming the cold that had crept in the night before. For the first time he felt like maybe things wouldn’t be so bad.

That day every member of the pack cuddled up to Stiles at least once- Isaac being the curly-wolf he is- coming back for two more rounds. And while Stiles didn’t think himself to be much of a cuddler his mood got gradually better. At lunch he sat beside Scott- who let him have his desert- and talked about anything and everything but the not to be named Sourwolf.

Things would have been fine if Jackson hadn’t stopped him on his way to the jeep. And you can say what you want about Jackson but since the Kanima debacle he was much more tolerable to be around. He even stopped using Stiles’ last name to refer to him.

“Stiles. Wait.” He sprinted over and put an arm on Stiles’ shoulder in a comforting touch- something Der- nope not thinking about him- uh someone had told him long ago was common amongst wolves and which had been the whole damn reason for Stiles’ current predicament.

“Listen, Derek called and said that meeting’s tomorrow and you’re specifically expected to be there. For whatever reason.” The mention of his name made the bile rise up in Stiles’ throat. He couldn’t fathom why on earth Derek would want him there- demand his presence but he would go. He needed to prove it to himself and the rest of the pack that he could handle this. Stiles couldn’t help but think that even Jackson looked concerned.

“Uh okay, I’ll be there.” He turned to go but was once again stopped in his tracks.

“Hey I- I don’t normally do shit like that- or care- but I know that you don’t wanna be there like at all and I guess- I wanna make sure you’re okay with coming?”

That he lived to see the day Jackson Whittemore, former douche-deluxe would ask him if he was alright was a miracle. And he truly appreciated it.

“Yeah it’s not- I don’t…” he regrouped his thoughts and took a steadying breath. “I’ll be there. It’ll be okay, thanks Jackson.” He smiled at him in a way he hoped conveyed how much it meant to him that Jackson was concerned.

“Whatever. See you there I guess.” The wolf scoffed and stalked to his Porsche. And Stiles couldn’t help but think his hard exterior was just a way to hide that he had been outright nice to someone.

* * *

Stiles woke up after another sleepless night, the dark circles under his eyes more prominent than they had been in a long time. After getting dressed and mentally psyching himself up, he drove to the loft. Scott greeted him down in the parking lot and threw an arm around his shoulders.

“It’s gonna be fine. He won’t say anything- I promise. And if she’s a bitch we can spray paint her car like we did with Harris’ last year.”

Somewhere behind them a female voice which Stiles figured belonged to Lydia, scoffed “So it was the two of you. Well I can’t say I’m surprised. Come on- don’t you want to open the door for me? Thank you very much.” She marched inside with a speed that should be impossible considering the height of her shoes. Scott and Stiles had a hard time catching up and barely made it before the doors of the elevator closed.

“Scott is right by the way. Moping is not a good look on you. And neither is throwing a pity-party for yourself. Head up for god’s sake. Stiles you are here to show him support and how much it doesn’t matter to you that he has a girlfriend or that he tried to kick you out- you’re not kicked out and that’s final. And don’t look at me like that. What do you take me for? I don’t need to be a Werewolf to sense what’s going on.” Her little speech left the boys speechless but Stiles head shot up and his spine straightened immediately.

“That’s better. Now come on.” She allowed her face to show a small genuine smile and stepped out of the elevator.

“Ready?” Scott asked, slight concern in his voice.

“Of course he is.” Lydia said and opened the door to the loft with a bang.

So much for sneaking in. There was no way Derek didn’t hear that. And- right on cue- there he was- in all his glory, with an arm around a slim brunette and a smile on his face that showed a little fang.

After some awkward hellos, Derek introduced them to the lovely lady named Sara. And she was indeed quite nice. If you could forgive the fact that she made Derek jump at her every wish. The moment he sat down on the couch she asked if he could bring her some water, when she was done with the pizza on her lap she asked him to put her plate in the kitchen.

At the end of the day Stiles was nearly boiling. He would have been fine, really. But somehow this dynamic made him feel uneasy. Something in the way Derek behaved didn’t sit well with him.

True- he had never seen Derek in a relationship besides the pack but it didn’t seem as if he was the type to ask “how far” the second his partner said “Bend over”. Which was an awful analogy. But who cares- he’d stick with it.

After saying goodbye, some of the pack, including Allison and Isaac left and went to their separate cars.

“Uh guys. Just a second.” Stiles didn’t want to bring it up. He really didn’t. But somehow, he knew he had to. He wouldn’t stop thinking about it otherwise. And he would like to get at least some sleep tonight.

“Did something today strike you as odd?” he deliberately made it sound vague as if he wasn’t sure himself. Isaac shook his head but Allison looked as if she was thinking hard.

“I don’t know if you’re referring to something specific but now that you mention it, there was something off about Derek… almost as if… I don’t know but he didn’t behave like he normally does.”

Isaac nodded and Stiles added “Yeah it’s like he doesn’t even realise he’s doing it. Like when he sat back down after bringing her the water he looked confused…” Allison’s eyes grew wide.

“Yes, that’s what I thought too.”

So she had seen it. Thank god she had seen it. It hadn’t been a projection of his jealousy. There was something going on that wasn’t normal.

“But listen Stiles, maybe we’re just overprotective. You know? Because of that whole pack bond thing? That we don’t want him to get hurt so we just see things that aren’t there- or I don’t know- exaggerate?”

And Stiles had considered that but even though it was a logical assumption to make he didn’t feel it.

“But what if we’re not? What if we’re exactly right and there’s something else going on?” he could tell that Allison wasn’t one hundred percent convinced but then Isaac came to his rescue.

“How about someone talks to him? They could just mention it and see what he does?” Stiles nearly jumped on the idea but felt sad when he remembered that two weeks ago that someone would have been him.

“Maybe Scott could do it? Derek will believe him if he says he’s just concerned.” Allison said and Stiles was fast to agree.

“How about you ask him after movie night tomorrow?” Stiles didn’t want Scott to think he was handling the situation badly and was paranoid.

“Yes. Sure.” Isaac said and got into his car. 

* * *

Scott called all of them over two days later.

Well, all of them except their Alpha and when he opened the door to let Stiles in he greeted him with the worst case of literal puppy eyes Stiles had ever seen.

“What did he do?” he asked in an exhausted huff of air. Scott just led him to his living room where he squeezed in between Jackson and Isaac on the couch.

“Dude! Watch the hands!”

Jackson scoffed but Stiles- having known Jackson for quite some time now- just smirked at him and shot back: “Oh come on we all know you love it.

Jackson grumbled something under his breath that sounded awfully close to “idiot” and shoved Stiles playfully with his elbow.

“Uh okay, I’d just like to wait for Erica ‘til we start. I don’t wanna explain this twice.” An uncomfortable silence spread until Erica nearly knocked the door down with her heels when she arrived.

“Heeey careful with your murder shoes! Or you can tell my mum why the door’s broken!” She just smirked and handed Scott all the food she’d been carrying.

“Well…” she said when she plopped down on the carpeted floor “What’s this meeting about. Oh, and I call dibs on the Hawaii.” In a matter of seconds, a food fight erupted which left Stiles and Erica the clear winners of toady’s dinner. Even it was just pizza.

“So okay since everybody has something to eat, listen up! I went to Derek’s because Allison and Stiles thought his behaviour was odd when he introduced us to Sara the other day.”

“Well that’s his first serious relationship since whenever so what did you expect?” Erica said around a mouthful of pizza.

“Yes, that’s what I thought too at first but then I went over just to make sure everything’s alright. And- uh can we just agree that he actually _did_ behaved differently with her?” Scott was met with a group of nodding wolves while Stiles released a breath of relief. “Okay so since we’re on the same page… He was odd yesterday too. And I mean really odd. First of, he didn’t look at me while I was talking. At all. No glare or anything. Like I wasn’t even there. And then he threw me out when I said we were worried this was going somewhere he maybe wasn’t ready for it to go.”

Jackson rolled his eyes and asked “Threw you out, seriously? How?”

Scott’s eyes turned a bit puppy-like again and he said “He yelled that it was none of our business- which okay I get that- but then he said that we shouldn’t bother coming over and that made me angry and I told him he should be glad we worry about him so much and then he just shoved me out of the door- like literally shoved me guys- and said we should all just stay away if we couldn’t be happy for him.” When he was done Stiles was near ready to go through with Derek’s threat himself and rip some throats out. Because Derek could yell at him all he wanted but shoving Scott was crossing the line.

“Stiles, sit down!” Lydia hissed and Isaac pulled him back onto the couch. The mumbled “Hey” was ignored.

“So afterwards I stood outside the loft and thought that maybe Derek had a bad day… but then I did some thinking- Yes, Stiles thinking- and… don’t you guys find it weird? What he said?” he slumped down on the chair behind him, arms in the air and an exasperate expression on his face like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Lydia took it in upon herself to answer

“Well, yes of course it’s weird. That’s why we’re here- I…” but Scott stopped her with a raised hand.

“No, you guys weren’t listening. It’s not what he said but what he _said_.” When he was met with curious glances he rolled his eyes and said “The words- don’t you guys see? The _words_!

And then it was like somebody lit an entire chandelier and some candles in Stiles’ brain. Because what Scott said, or was trying to say made sense.

“You’re right- _fuck_! Scott you’re right!” his heart beat like a rabbit and his brain worked a mile per minute.

“Hello, can somebody please enlighten us as to what the fuck is going on!” Lydia seemed pissed that she was- for once- not in on it.

“ _Listen_. The words. He used the exact same words twice. Like word for word.” Now her eyebrows were climbing up, up, up into her hairline.

“So, you mean…”

But Stiles was already there “ _Yes_! Yes, that’s the only explanation!” the weight on his heart seemed to dissolve like it had never been there. And for the first time in days he felt alive.

“They aren’t his!” Isaac whispered sounding stunned.

“No, they aren’t…” and then Stiles finally got it “They’re hers.” He mumbled.

Silence spread in the room once again and as Stiles was looking around he saw various faces turn to him, some full of rage like Jackson’s and some full of fear like Allison’s. Even though those emotions were present inside of Stiles too the most prominent one was sadness. Because Derek was being used yet again.

“So, what are we gonna do?” Jackson asked, voice hard and eyes glowing in their unique Kanima-shade. Stiles even detected a hint of claws scratching the surface of the couch.

“Jackson! Watch it with the claws man. Same rules for you! You break it- it’s your head on my mom’s chopping-board!” but Jackson visibly shook with rage until Lydia reached out and let her hand rest on Jackson’s.

She leaned in and whispered in his ear “Breathe baby. Come on. You can do it. You with me?” Stiles felt like intruding something private when he heard the soft words meant for Jackson’s ears only. It took some effort to get Jackson back from that point of anger but Lydia knew how to handle him.

Stiles was once again hit with a wave of gratitude for his pack. Now Jackson didn’t have to deal with his rage alone and Lydia didn’t have to pretend to just be beautiful when she was so smart.

“Okay guys, we have to find out what’s going on!” Erica sounded unsure, which didn’t happen all too often.

“I’ll do some research. Maybe I can get to the bottom of this.” Stiles said and was immediately backed up by Lydia.

“I’ll do some too. You know join forces.” Scott- acting more and more like a mediator- got them to agree on a plan, which centred around leaving Derek in the dark but not leaving him alone. Since Sara’s goal was obviously for Derek to cut ties with his pack that was the opposite of what they were going to do.

* * *

Isaac was the first to go over to Dereks’ to spend the afternoon there, since he practically part-time lived there anyway. He came back with news of Sara hovering over Derek’s every move. If Isaac was right then she had done something to Derek’s brain since he would never let himself be talked to in that manner- not by his pack and certainly not by his girlfriend.

The next day Allison went over to make sure Derek was okay with the training schedule she had made up to teach the pack how to dodge arrows as well as shoot them. She reported Derek being unusually easy going. Stiles thought that this behavior alone would have sparked his suspicion- if anything else hadn’t already- because Derek would not simply agree to shooting anything- maybe because- like he loved to remind everybody- he had been shot _repeatedly_. 

* * *

A few days went by when neither the pack nor Stiles and Lydia had to contribute anything of interest.

That was until Lydia literally stumble over Sara in the woods. Lydia had been out there to gather some herbs for a salve Deaton had her working on when she heard a sound to her right which she couldn’t place. She stayed hidden between the bushes, trying to get closer to the noise as quietly as possible. When she peaked over some branches she spotted Sara.

The girl was standing in a circle which Lydia presumed to be mountain ash and was mumbling a litany of words that weren’t English. And if that alone wasn’t enough of a clue the line suddenly flared up in a bright lilac flame. Lydia stumbled back and pressed a hand over her mouth to cover the scream that had threatened to leave her lips.

Well, that didn’t make things any easier. As quickly as she could she ran to her car, keeping the noises to a minimum.

Back at Stiles’ house she nearly ran into him when she ripped the door open.

“Lydia what’s going on? I was just about to…” but she shushed him with a finger against his mouth and pressed him back inside. She demanded the pack to be assembled immediately and fell into an arm chair the second Stiles made the call.

“Lyds’ what’s going on? What happened?” Stiles was truly concerned. Not much had the ability to shock Lydia.

“A witch! She’s a witch!” she said, eyes wide.

Oh no! For fuck’s sake, Derek had to choose a witch of all people. That was just their luck. Derek sure knew how to pick ‘em. And while Stiles threw random curses inside his head, he was suddenly struck with the realisation that maybe Derek hadn’t chosen anyone. He felt the colour drain from his face.

“Stiles? Stiles, what’s going on?” Lydia was at his side immediately, grabbing his face.

“He didn’t choose her.” Stiles sobbed while tears ran over his face. Suddenly it made sense. All of it. “He didn’t choose her over me…” Lydia’s arms came around him. Her embrace was warm and gentle, soothing.

“Hey Stiles, what’s…?” Scott had come in without him noticing and flung his arms around the two the second he stepped inside.

Erica and Boyd followed and simultaneously jumped into the group hug, Erica yelling “Puppy pile!” and laughing like crazy.

Stiles found himself nearly suffocated under his pack but he wasn’t complaining. Puppy pile felt freaking good.

Allison was the last to come in and she joined the others for a short moment but then stood back to address the pile of limbs on the floor. “I know, I’m a spoilsport right now but Stiles called for a reason and we need this sorted.”

A few grumbles- loudest of them all Erica- were heard but then everybody got up and sat down on their respective seats- which meant Lydia in Jackson’s and Erica in Boyd’s lap. Stiles sniffed but couldn’t help to roll his eyes- and reprimanded himself for picking up the bad habit from Derek too.

He was brought back to the matter at hand when Lydia spoke up to rehash the things she had seen in the woods. After everyone was on the same page they discussed a plan of action. And for the hundredth time Stiles felt the need to punch something solid because witches of all things!

He hated witches!

* * *

Phase A came into play next Saturday. Jackson and Lydia went to Derek’s loft to get Sara out- which had been such a fuss they had to call Erica and Boyd for backup who then had to bind Derek to a chair to stop him from interfering.

While they were on their way to Deaton and Isaac with an unconscious witch- thank you Jackson- in their trunk, Phase B was a go.

Stiles, Scott and Allison went into the loft to join Erica and Boyd, surprised when they discovered the state Derek was in. He thrashed in his bonds, hissing and clawing at everything he could reach- which wasn’t all that much.

“Derek calm down!” Scott said- and if Stiles wasn’t wrong he had a bit of that Alpha-ring in his voice. Derek- surprisingly enough- stopped moving and looked at Scott with disdainin his eyes.

“What are you doing here!” he didn’t sound all too human anymore and it pained Stiles to hear it. Derek, who had always been able to keep a solid lid on his wolf, was robbed of something yet again- his control.

“We’re here to help.” Boyd stated. Simple. Strong. Unwavering.

“I don’t need help.” Derek snarled. Stiles wanted to hit him. Hard.

“ _Yes_! You idiot! You do need help! Can’t you see what’s going on here?” He yelled but Derek didn’t seem impressed. Instead he just cocked his head to the side in a manner that was just so much Derek it broke Stiles’ heart a bit.

“So how do _you_ of all people want to help me? As if you even could. You’re just human! You’re not even pack!” the words stung more than they probably should. He had seen them coming but they hurt either way. It had been a long time ago since Derek had used Stiles’ human status as an insult.

While their words got heated, Scott had manoeuvred himself between the two, ready to step in but holding back for now.

“Well what’s it you’re so scared of then? If I’m just human then surely the great Alpha Derek Hale shouldn’t be nervous about me trying to help, now should he?” he made his voice drip with sarcasm. Derek didn’t answer just stared at a spot a little bit above Stiles’ shoulder.

“What now, Sourwolf? Have I rendered you speechless? Is the big bad wolf scared of the silly little human?” He made a step towards Derek who ripped the rope holding him down and was on Stiles instantly.

Or would have been.

If Scott and Erica hadn’t moved that quickly. As it were Stiles had felt Derek’s breath on his face, inwardly bracing himself for the impact that never came. Now three wolves- Boyd had joined them- were holding onto their Alpha with all they had and Stiles’ brain was working a mile per minute to come up with something to break the spell.

Then Lydia’s words from one of their research sessions came back to him. About how Derek didn’t seem to remember that he and Stiles had moved from hatred to understanding to friendship. It occurred to Stiles then that if Derek didn’t remember that, he also didn’t remember their shared evenings. And if he took that one step further, he came to a conclusion that made his stomach turn. Because suddenly there was a way to get Derek out of his stupor.

A way that Stiles would never even consider if it wasn’t for Derek’s life- and he was sure that was what was at stake here since Sara didn’t seem to play around. He took a step closer to Derek while the others struggled to keep him restrained.

“How do you feel about touch Derek?” the question was so much out of context that Derek was visibly confused- so much so that he stopped moving altogether.

“Stiles what…?” Erica started but stopped when Stiles made an unmistakable hand gesture for her to be quiet. He needed to concentrate now.

“How do I feel about touch? What’s that supposed to mean? What’s there to feel about?” Derek spit out through fangs. And played right into Stiles’ cards.

“So, if I were to touch you right now- or even if someone else did- you would be totally fine with it?” Derek looked at him as if he thought Stiles was batshit crazy.

“No, I would not be fine with it. I don’t want to be touched by any of you!” He stopped for a second as if aware that his answers didn’t fit together.

There was only so much magic could do and erasing a core deep fear just wasn’t in the cards. With taking his memories she had set him back to that point and unknowingly given Stiles an advantage of epic proportions. Because nothing was more rattling than your worst fear.

“Well you just said you didn’t have any feeling about it and now you say you don’t wanna be touched- so which one is it Derek?” he made sure to watch Derek’s reaction carefully. The wolf seemed unsure for the first time. Unsure and confused.

Then- as if a switch was flipped- Derek started fighting again, hissing “I don’t care!” at Stiles.

“Well if you don’t care- if it means nothing to you- then you can let me touch you!” Stiles said and saw the wolf flinch.

“No! Why would I- you know what? Do whatever the hell you want- I don’t give a fuck!” Derek was on defence again and Stiles felt oddly reminded of the day he had first tried to talk to Derek about his past.

“You give me no choice then…” he said and the sadness in his voice wasn’t a play he put on. He stepped closer and instructed the trio to keep their hold on Derek. He then took a moment to himself to settle down. Because what he was about to do might help Derek but it would also put Stiles on just the same level as Sara- as _Kate_.

And he didn’t want that. He had sworn to himself he would never do that- not to Derek and not to anyone else. And now here he was, with outstretched fingers hovering once again over Derek’s collar bone. There were tears burning in his eyes and he swallowed hard to keep them from falling. He needed to do this. It was the only way to break him out of it. His fingers touched skin and he kept talking in his mind- kept thinking over and over and over again that he was doing this for Derek. That even if Derek never talked to him again after this, it was worth it because Derek would be free.

He saw Derek draw back as far as he could, heard him breathe harshly but his eyes still didn’t focus on Stiles, his face still contorted in anger. When he reached the chest area, Derek looked at him with so much hatred in his eyes that Stiles couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.

He started rambling “I am so sorry. I know you hate me right now- I-I know, okay? But I have to do this… For you!” he didn’t see Erica swiping her eyes- now damp too- or Boyd curling in on himself, didn’t feel Allison’s hand on his arm. He was so focused on Derek- Derek- Derek.

None of his touching had done anything. Nothing had worked. And suddenly he knew what he had to do. With trembling fingers, he reached out to touch Derek’s lower chest and when Derek still didn’t react he let his hand drift down to his stomach.

The flinch that went through Derek was so strong it nearly threw all three of his betas off. But other than that, he remained silent.

“Derek! Come on! Please!” Stiles was on the verge of giving up. For the first time he was ready to admit defeat, when one sliver of hope shot through him so strong it made him tremble. It was his last option. The very last thing he wanted to do.

He sank to his knees in front of his Alpha, staring up at him with tears still streaming over his face and a plea in his throat.

“Derek I’m sorry. So sorry.” Because if that didn’t work, nothing else would. He moved towards Derek’s stomach again, Erica sucked in a breath, Allison’s hand cramped into his arm when she went down with him.

“ _Please_.” He whispered so lowly he was sure only Derek and Allison heard it. “Forgive me.” His voice broke and he had to close his eyes. Without seeing he leaned forward until he felt the firmness of Derek’s belly. Once. Just once he let his tongue lick over the clenched muscles.

He was ripped off his knees and flung against the wall so fast no one had time to react.

And he didn’t even make a move to protect himself. He just let himself be shoved so hard he saw stars explode behind his eyes. Derek’s claws were tearing at his sides and he didn’t feel the blood starting to flow. It didn’t matter anyway. “Derek!” four pairs of hands tried to get the Alpha off of Stiles but he didn’t budge. Alpha red eyes stared into Stiles’ whiskey ones and then sharp fangs bore deep into his neck.

The world went black.

* * *

“Stiles! Stiles wake up!” _Scott. Huh what was Scotty doing here? This was his brain. Scotty shouldn’t be here. Nope nuh uh. Huh. Maybe he was in Scotty’s head? Or Scotty in his? That didn’t make sense. And heeey. Can he stop ripping his arm out? That hurt._

“Stiles!” _That’s Erica. Maybe she’s here too? No. Erica’s not here. He can’t see her. Everything’s so dark…_

* * *

Scott shook Stiles for the tenth time while Erica pressed a wet towel against his face.

“Come on!” he was one second away from wolfing out. “Stiles!”

But Stiles wouldn’t move, he just lay there.

Meanwhile Boyd was sitting on Derek’s side, trying to explain what had been going on. Scott glanced at his Alpha and saw him get paler by the minute. He didn’t hear what they were talking about exactly and frankly he didn’t even care because his best friend was still unconscious.

Suddenly, Stiles sat up with a loud cough and immediately bent over, gasping for air. The wounds on his neck started bleeding again and Scott made sure to press the towel Erica had gotten onto them to stop the flow.

“What’s happening? Where’s Derek? Derek!” 

Yep and that was it with Scott holding Stiles down. He was on his feet faster than should be possible considering his condition and ran over to Derek.

Unfortunately- or rather unsurprisingly- he didn’t make it that far.

Halfway over he collapsed again but before Scott could even move, Derek had caught him.

“I’ll…” he swallowed while cradling the boy in his arms like he was the most precious thing in the world. “I’ll look after him… Scott- can you give us a moment?”

Scott had half a mind to say no. This was the last thing he wanted right now. But seeing as Stiles first instinct had been to go to Derek and Derek’s had been to catch him before he hit his head on something he stood up and went for the door.

“Come on guys. Let’s just… grab something to eat? See how the others are doing?” the rest of them scrambled to their feet and followed him outside, leaving Derek with a still unconscious Stiles in his arms.

* * *

This time Stiles woke up in a bed and sat up so hastily that he knocked his nose into Derek’s.

“I guess I deserved that.” Derek said and chuckled softly.

Stiles eyes were wide and he immediately made to stand up only being held down by Derek’s hand on his arm.

“Stay. And calm down please. Your heartbeat is racing so fast it can’t be healthy.”

Stiles didn’t know what to do. He felt sick. How could Derek sit here and joke after what happened.

“Stiles? Stiles! Hey…breathe…” he grabbed his chin. “Look at me. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s fine. I promise you, I’m not mad.”

But Stiles didn’t listen. He was shaking and clutching at his chest, crying and sobbing violently.

Derek wrapped his arms around the boy and pulled him close. The scent of Stiles suddenly all around him, like a warm embrace. “Shshsh… calm down. It’s alright. Stiles please…” he put one hand on Stiles’ head, holding him against his chest, the other was cradled around his waist and pushing the boy into an embrace. He was so thankful for all the evenings spent with Stiles in the last months because otherwise he wouldn’t be able to offer this to him.

And it felt good. The way Stiles clinged to him like a lifeline.

* * *

When Stiles realised he was nearly suffocating Derek he pushed at his chest until Derek let go off him.

“What’s wrong?” Derek asked and sounded so concerned Stiles wanted to curl in on himself.

He didn’t deserve this. He was a monster. Like her. “Why are you doing this?” he felt so awful.

Derek shouldn’t be comforting him, he should yell and throw Stiles out.

“Because you’re upset.” Derek said and reached out to pull him against him. Stiles immediately scooted back, hands coming up in front of him.

“No. I don’t- Derek you can’t…” another sob made him clutch his stomach.

“Stiles please. Come here.” He offered him a hand but however much Stiles wanted to, he simply couldn’t take it.

“No! No- Derek don’t you get it? I hurt you! I-I’m just like her. L-like them. How can you…? Don’t- Derek…” he couldn’t stop crying. The memory of doing this to Derek, of his face when he did it- he just couldn’t…

“Stiles I want you to listen to me very carefully!” the stern tone of Derek’s voice made him look up only to find green eyes staring at him. “I am not mad at you. Stiles. How could I be when you saved my life?” but Stiles only shook his head, another wave of tears streaming over his face.

“Stiles _please_. Let me…” he looked helpless as if he didn’t know what to do with the sobbing boy on his bed.

“Can you come here?” he asked gently. Stiles nodded and let himself be hugged once again.

“I promise, I am not mad. You did nothing wrong. And you are not like her. _You are not_. Do you hear me? You are so much more than that. I never, not once, compared you to her.” Stiles clung harder to him. His nails dug into Derek’s back. “You didn’t do it to hurt me! I know that. I _felt_ that. Stiles…”

But Stiles couldn’t believe that. He had seen Derek’s face. And the way Derek had reacted when he had… he felt like he was going to puke.

“Stiles. You have to calm down.”

But Stiles didn’t know how. An endless reel of the last hours played in his mind over and over again. It made his head spin. He let go of Derek to put his head in his hands and rub circles over his temples.

“Hey easy there…” Derek covered Stiles’ hands with his own and stopped the motion. “You hit your head pretty hard when I…” he blushed and looked down as if ashamed of himself “When I came at you. I can drive you to the hospital if…” but Stiles had already shaken his head a firm “no”. He hated hospitals with a passion. “I uh… while we’re on the subject- I wanted to apologise for… you know- for not- for saying the things I did- for saying you weren’t pack, because Stiles- you have to know- you are pack! You’ve always been pack. And I am so sorry for my-my outburst.”

He had stopped touching Stiles altogether and didn’t meet his eyes. And funnily enough, that was what broke him out of his stupor. “No! Fuck no! Derek- this was _my_ fault. Not yours. God! Of course, you came at me- you had damn good reason to. I knew what would happen when I tou- when I did that.” He waited until Derek looked up again. “Don’t- just… don’t apologise for something that wasn’t your fault.”

Suddenly Derek smiled. “Only when you promised to do the same.”

Stiles started to protest “That’s not the same Derek- I…”

But Derek shushed him and said “How about we both agree to put this behind us?” there was hope in his voice.

And Stiles, grumblingly agreed. “Just one thing… I uh- want you to know that- that I will never touch you without your consent again- Derek I promise…” he needed to say it. To make Derek understand that he meant it. But once again Derek just smiled and said “I know.”

For the first time today, Stiles could breathe freely. It was as if a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders.

“Do you want to lie down with me?” Derek mumbled.

Huh. He didn’t expect that.

“Yeah sure…” he let himself fall on his back. Something stirred in his mind when Derek- who had put on a shirt some time ago- lay down beside him. “Wait! Derek what about Sara? Shouldn’t we help the others?” not that he wanted to but hey they were pack- and you help pack.

“They have it covered. Before you woke up, I called Scott to let him know everything is- uh fine- and he told me they took care of her. She won’t bother us again.”

Well if that was the case…

“Relax.” Derek murmured.

Stiles turned on his side to let Derek snuggle in behind him. Then he scoffed “Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?” because since when was Derek okay with casual cuddling?

“Let’s just say today made me realise a few things…” he didn’t seem to want to go into detail but Stiles- never known for leaving something well enough alone- couldn’t help but ask him to explain.

“Honestly? It’s not a big deal. It’s just that I don’t really mind when it’s you…” Stiles couldn’t see Derek but he would bet all of his money- and his jeep on top- that the Sourwolf was as red in the face as a fire extinguisher.

Wait a second- what?

“When it’s me?” had he missed something?

Derek cleared his throat then and whispered into Stiles’ ear. “You know… when it’s you touching me. I don’t mind.”

Well, talk about fire extinguishers. Stiles’ face burned. And he was suddenly incredibly glad that, while he couldn’t see Derek’s face that also meant Derek couldn’t see his. His body felt very hot at the intimacy of the situation.

“You don’t?” he sounded breathless.

“No. I don’t.” Derek’s hot breath tickled his ear and made him squirm slightly. As a result, he was suddenly pressed against Derek’s front in a way that made his cheeks flush and his pulse rise.

* * *

Stiles didn’t know how much time had passed, but he woke up to complete darkness surrounding him. There was something incredibly warm wrapped around his back and breathing down his neck. It took him all about two seconds to figure out that Derek was pressed against him and- judging from the sounds he was making- was still asleep.

Stiles froze, unwilling to disturb the peace just yet. Derek deserved a good night’s sleep after a day like that.

And while he lay there, his thoughts began to wander. Bits and pieces of the last weeks- of yesterday- flooded his brain. Slowly his anxiety crept back in, making his heart race and his breath come fast.

Maybe Derek would wake up and wouldn’t want him here anymore. Maybe he came to his senses in his sleep. Maybe it had all been make-belief from the get-go. Maybe Derek didn’t really want him. Maybe it was all just a big- fat-

“Stiles- I can hear you thinking from here…” Derek’s gruff voice, sleep rumbled sounded loud in the otherwise empty room.

“Sorry.” he whispered back.

“No. Just- tell me what’s wrong…” he felt rather than saw Derek sit up.

“Nothing, promise…” the lie tasted wrong on his tongue.

“Stiles.” For once, Derek didn’t sound exasperated when saying his name like that. “It’s three in the morning and there are about a thousand things I would rather be doing right now…”

Stiles flinched away at the words, not able to contain the shiver that ran down his spine. The sickening feeling returned to his stomach and he was ready to untangle himself from the sheets any second now when a firm hand on his arm stopped him before he could even move.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

He turned to face Derek and was met with honest and open eyes, luminated by the moonlight coming in from the window. “I- I’m not good with that stuff but I- I just want to know what’s wrong. D-did I…?” he made a helpless gesture with his hand and looked at Stiles as if he blamed himself for everything echoing in Stiles’ head.

And while the voices in Stiles’ head didn’t stop nagging him that this was a set-up for heartbreak, he squared his shoulders and blurted out: “What is this?”

Derek seemed confused as to what he was asking.

“Us- this- the sleeping- the cuddling- I just… Derek…” he stopped, mortified by the tremble in his voice.

“I- I didn’t think… sorry- I didn’t think this would be a problem?” Derek stood up so fast he nearly knocked Stiles off the bed with the movement.

When he reached the door and grabbed the handle, Stiles’ common sense finally gave him a slap on the back of his head. “Wait! What are you talking about?”

Derek stopped and looked as confused as Stiles felt. “You don’t like the cuddling! That’s- that’s fine… I shouldn’t have…”

But Stiles didn’t let him finish. “How on earth did you get that impression? Seriously dude! Communication!” and suddenly the tension in the room seemed to have evaporated.

Derek chuckled lowly and moved back to the bed, still conscious with his guard up but as long as he was not leaving, Stiles would take it.

“I woke up and thought you wouldn’t want to see _I_ was cuddling _you_.” Stiles said and watched that beautiful smile return to Derek’s features.

“Oh.” was the eloquent answer he got.

“And then it spiraled- you know- and I kept thinking, you’d be upset with me and that you didn’t want me here after all- and…” but he couldn’t finish the statement when Derek covered his mouth with his hand gently.

“I want you here.” he said, and even though Stiles couldn’t see that well in the dark, he was sure the tips of Derek’s ears were flaming red.

“Alright- well Sourwolf- get back on the bed.” he grabbed for Derek’s hand and pulled.

Derek seemed surprised by the action and actually scrambled for something to hold onto to prevent himself from falling down onto Stiles but failed spectacularly. With a loud “umpf” their foreheads connected. Derek found his balance then but didn’t move away from Stiles. He leaned closer instead, hovering directly above Stiles. They stared at each other and heard the clock on the wall tick loudly before either of them moved.

“I want to try something, please.” Derek mumbled, breath ghosting over Stiles’ lips.

Stiles couldn’t do anything besides nod, transfixed by Derek’s eyes on him. He nearly missed Derek leaning in closer until their lips brushed softly and every coherent thought in Stiles’ brain flew right out of the window.

Kissing Derek felt like drowning in a shockwave of warm water and while Stiles gasped for breath he felt Derek smile against his mouth.

“Thank you.” the Alpha whispered and let himself fall down to the side.

Stiles stared at the ceiling for a moment until he caught his breath, then turned onto his side to face the wolf.

“So, since that just happened- does this mean what I think it means?” a giddy feeling fluttered inside his stomach.

“It can mean whatever you want it to mean…” Derek replied cryptically. He didn’t look at Stiles and it took him a minute to figure out that Derek was vulnerable.

It took all his courage, all the sense of false bravery he still had in him to confess: “I want to be with you.”

Derek’s head shot up so fast Stiles wondered about whiplash. “You- want that?”

It broke Stiles’ heart a little to see Derek once again unsure. “Yes.” he stated and watched the mesmerising smile reappear on Derek’s face- showing off dimples as well as bunny teeth.

When he leaned into Stiles’ personal space again, he seemed content, happy even. “Me too…” he whispered quietly. When their lips finally met again Stiles’ stomach exploded in a warm ray of fireworks. It felt like coming home…

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I would love for you to leave a comment or even kudos. Also, feel free to add suggestions or your piece of mind in the comments. :)


End file.
